Welcome to Britainistan - British schools to abandon traditional "white" languages?

A secret proposal to phase out traditional languages in British schools has been outlined in a Cross Party White Paper. The leaked document allegedly claims that languages including French, German and Spanish are to be phased out within the next five years. In their place, students will be given the choice between Mandarin, Punjabi, Polish or Urdu.

An inside source from the Department for Education echoed the reasons behind the proposal. “These languages reflect the changing demographic in Britain and the need for urgent change.”

“There has been considerable discussion between chiefs from the department and advisors at Number Ten. The majority of Conservatives are in favour of retaining traditional languages. However some prominent Labour MPs have been pushing this agenda for some time.”

Dr Aaron Crossley from the Institute of Social Linguistics and Modern International Culture believes it’s the way forward. “What better way to integrate a culture with our own than have our children learn their languages.”

Urdu and Punjabi have been offered as GCSE subjects for many years but the plans outlined in the White Paper suggest at least one language will be compulsory, alongside Mathematics and English.

Professor Marilyn Horsley, from the Department for Business Innovation and Skills, is enthusiastic about the White Paper.

“Most global business will be conducted in these languages so it makes perfect sense to prepare our children for the changing nature of commerce. Post Brexit, we’ll be able to forge strong bonds with business leaders in the countries that speak these languages. Within a generation we could phase out the need for translation services for public sector services by teaching Urdu in schools.”

Neither David Cameron nor Jeremy Corbyn were available for comment.